a collection of gleanings

i wipe back to front and manage not to smear shit all over my genitals. look, your ass is round, right? picture an apple: if you wanted to wipe a speck of dirt off an apple, would you wipe in a straight line, so your finger first removes the dirt, then promptly moves off the surface; or do you keep it pressed to the surface and smear dirt all over the apple while just going round and round??

i don’t understand how you can have lived (and presumably been wiping your ass for most of that time) for decades, and still not understand this.